… At the next school fundraiser you’ll have to sell $400 worth of raffle tickets.

… The next Grade Five excursion will be to Bunnings Warehouse.

… Teachers will have to dig up their own chalk from the ground.

… When the Life Education van comes to visit, the principal will charge them for parking.

… The librarian will have a hard time choosing which book to read out loud: the Yellow Pages or the Myer Christmas Catalogue?

… Teachers will have to cut down from eight mugs of coffee per day to just six.     

… The canteen will close down and lunch-orders will be outsourced to the local Mr Whippy van.

… You’ll need to show your Medicare card before you can go to the sickbay.

… All recorders must be handed over and melted down to make witches’ hats for Athletics Day.

… Once Athletics Day is over, the witches’ hats can be melted down and turned back into recorders – just like new!

… All remaining bottles of Clag must be strictly rationed – one mouthful per Grade Preppie per day.