Tired of poorly-made household devices that don't work properly? Now you can get them for cheaper than ever before from Mice Industries®! Instead of wasting money on electrical circuitry, we harness the natural energy and intelligence of mice and pass the savings on to you!
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 The new battery-free smoke-detector that could one day save everything you hold precious, and your family! |
Each Smoke Detective Unit houses a specially trained mouse that will remain alert throughout the night by watching its Midsomer Murders DVD box sets.If your Smoke Detective sniffs smoke, it will squeak loudly at half-second intervals until the red Prod Button is pressed, prodding the Smoke Detective in the rear.
And because Smoke Detective is a living creature, it doesn’t require batteries!*
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Please note that although your Smoke Detective chain-smokes from his pipe, all our mice are sensitive enough to detect non-tobacco smoke whilst in a tobacco smoke-filled environment. |
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It is recommended that you test your Smoke Detective every six months by holding a lit candle 30cm below the Unit. If your Smoke Detective fails to squeak, it may have a sore throat. Insert a Butter Menthol or other approved cough lolly (as listed in Appendix 1) into the
Smoke Detective just $99.95 - order now!
Plus postage and handling
Minor upgrade from previous model!
DoorMouse is the exciting new update of the classic, battery-free doorbell system! Rather than relying on wasteful stored electricity, DoorMouse harnesses the labour of captive mice, so it’s good for the environment, too.
Each DoorMouse 3000 system contains two mice twins housed in separate units. Specially selected for their psychic abilities, these mice share a telepathic link and feel each other’s pain. When the button is pressed on the outdoor unit, poking the first mouse in the snout, the second mouse, housed in the indoor unit, loudly squeaks the chime of your choice. Choose from:
- Classic ‘ding-dong’
- La Cucaracha
- Crazy Frog (new for 3000 model!)
Button unit just $39.95 (chime unit $129.95 extra) - order now!
Plus postage and handling
The dishwasher operated by mice!
Instead of wasting water and wearing down your crockery with a traditional dishwasher, invite some mice into your kitchen!
Our enthusiastic crew of hardworking mice live in a small apartment inside the DishMouser and come out to clean at the touch a button!* The team will enter the shelves of the DishMouser with their buckets and dishcloths to carefully scrub your dishes to polished perfection!
*Please note: a sequence of five buttons must be pressed in the correct order for the DishMouser to begin operating.
Important: Due to the stressful and heavily constrained lifestyle enjoyed by the team of mice, aggression and violence may occasionally erupt amongst them. Please check your local gambling laws before betting on the outcome of their knife fights.
DishMouser: just eight painful payments of $149.95 - order now!
Plus postage and handling
Do traditional electric can openers depress you? Do you lie awake at night wondering what would happen if there was a power blackout and you needed to open a can? Do you wake up from fitful sleep screaming because you can’t face another terrifying day using your existing can opener? You should!
Studies undertaken at
Doctors agree that diversion can be an effective treatment for anxiety – so spend money on a new Mouse-Aided Can Opener! MACO operates in the same way as a non-electric, hand held can opener, so it can’t run out of power. And it’s a great spot workout for your hand!
Every time you open your kitchen drawer, our MACO mouse will hand the can opener to you, saving you labour and also from further worry about putting your hand into a drawer full of sharp knives.
Mouse-Aided Can Opener includes trained mouse, poorly-photocopied instruction sheet (in eight languages) and 60-page full-colour Mice Industries catalogue. Actual can opener not included.
Get MACO for an insane $29.95 - order now!
Plus postage and handling
The mousetrap operated by mice disloyal to their own kind
In association with Pay-Day-Too-Far-Away No-Approval Cash Loans
Tired of old-fashioned mousetraps that work well but just aren't complicated enough? Set this trap in your attic, basement or pantry and watch the convoluted magic happen!
Each Entrapment Ultra unit houses a seemingly welcoming mouse who became disenchanted with rodent society and formed a mutually beneficial alliance with humanity. Each Mouse Operative has undergone years of training in subterfuge and will lure other mice into his unit with promises of fame and fortune.
Unsuspecting mice will be dazzled with tales of fame and fortune and convinced they will make it big, when WHAM! – the Mouse Operative tricks them into signing a personal loan contract at an astronomical interest rate. Before you know it, the vermin are forced to declare bankruptcy and leave your house for good.*
*Please note: you will be held personally liable for any unpaid loans left behind by fleeing mice.
Just $79.95 (plus monthly fee of $49.95 to Pay-Day-Too-Far-Away No-Approval Cash Loans, plus 45% interest) - order now!
Plus postage and handling
Isn't the imprisonment of mice inside household appliances cruel?No.
It seems pretty cruel.
That was a statement, not a question.
If you were forced to respond at length to allegations of cruelty, what exactly would you say?
We surveyed almost 400 of our employees, and 72% said that they believe Mice Industries® products were not cruel, and that if they could swap jobs with the mice they would.
Did you survey the mice?
Sure. Um... 98% of them said that, er... they really enjoy being... detained in our products.
ORDER NOW! 1800-CRUEL-TEE
Toll charge of $5.45 per minute applies, higher from telephones. Ask bill payer's permission before calling or we will charge you an additional processing fee of $14.95. Postage and handling $24.95 for the first item, $24.50 for each additional item. We accept all major credit cards. Do not send cash unless bills are unmarked. Processing fee of $9.95 applies to all credit card transactions.